I think I’m a little late on this one ‘cos it’s dated “Copyright 1997” but it’s so hot, I’ve got to review it. Cliff always hates it when I like records, because my reviews of records I hate are much better, but, well, you know.

Bob Xark's Gargoyle Wings (Bomb Sniffing Dog Records / www.frankmedia.com) is divided into 2 sections. In the olden days, we would’ve called these sections “sides”. But never mind. The first section is Discontents and has titles like “Weird Gleeps in the Shopping Mall” and “Pesticides Gasoline and Fast Food Stop ‘n’ Shop”.

I hear in this that funky beat oriented stuff that I hear in record stores in London but can never define, mixed with that talk-over punk stuff that was popular in the early 80’s, and there’s something in there nudging at Henry Rollins, without being so preachy. This is the kind of stuff you turn on at the end of the party, when the drugs are nearly worn off, but everyone is still standing in their party clothes. Never mind that the sun is up.

The second section is Malcontents and sounds real similar, although you’ve got to commend “Oozing Rot”, “Denying the People Medicine” and “To Hike This Wood” on the same side of a record. Some of the tracks sound more polished than others, some more like a John Giorno Poetry Systems production than others, and some sound like....well, I don’t know. Kooky, funky, very now, even if it IS copyright 1997.

“I expect to hear this in some weird store in Greenwich Village while buying Astro Boy salt & pepper shakers”, Steve says. I’m pretty sure we DID hear this in some weird store in Greenwich Village while buying Astro Boy salt & pepper shakers.

The back cover art says “Buy this now, you fool!” and I must confess I agree. But, this is not for the faint of heart. Definitely not. Imminently listenable, but quite unusual. Quite. And, you gotta love any record that makes your housepets nervous!

“Do ya like Bob Dylan, kids?” says Steve. I’d gone down to get coffee (okay, decaf) and he’d put this on while I was gone. I’d liked the cover art--lots of orange & a shot of a 30’s bungalow, and I had high hopes.

I don’t know whether I’m not psyched for Kevin Johnson And the Linemen because I don’t like hillbilly style music, or whether it isn’t any good. I suspect it’s the first, actually, so I’m going to do my best.

First and best foot forward: Parole Music (Sam Records / www.kevinjohnson.com) is produced, quite ironically, by Charlie Chesterman. If this is the same Charlie Chesterman who was in the The Law, ‘way ‘way back in the late 70’s, well, he’s come a long way. The Law was a fabulous punky-pop-type band, although all I ever owned was a 4 song 7 incher. Needless to say, it was produced pretty raw, and that was okay. That’s what it was about, hey.

The production values on this record are great, however. It has alot of depth & differentiation between the instrumentation and the vocals. You can hear everything, and it’s mixed real real nice. The musicianship is great too. And, I’d prefer to listen to this than Garth Brooks. The slow songs are sweet and soulful, the faster songs are okay....yep, the whole thing is listenable, right, but there’s something wrong.

“It’s derivative,” Steve says, “why would I listen to this instead of The Traveling Wilburys?” And I’m thinking....why would you listen to the Traveling Wilburys? Then he says, “it sounds like James Taylor at his most country-est.” Me, I’m speechless. I was going to give it 2 points for not being too modern country sounding. But, I guess that’s like giving Steve’s unemployed friend who lives with his mother 2 points for being “nice”. So, if you’re a regular listener of TNN, you’re all set. The rest of you folks, steer clear.

I quit my job and moved in with my mother-in-law, affectionately (?) known as Oma (Dutch for Grandmother). As a result, Chopper the ever-spoiled Sheltie has to sleep in his crate in the rec room. The king size people bed is no more. As a result of that, and maybe just to make me feel guilty, he starts howling every morning about 6:07 am. For the first week, I let him outside. I stood there in my socks and flannel nightgown, waiting for him to pee. Then I let him upstairs, risking Oma’s wrath. Naturally, I tired of this eventually, and stooped to just turning on a plastic radio to Mexican Ranchera music when he barks in the morning, hoping against hope to dissuade him.

So, when I opened up Mana's Suenos Liquidos (Warner Latino), I was hoping that it would be Ranchera music. Remember now, I loved the Texas Tornadoes w/ Freddie Fender. I was prepared to like this. For whatever reason, it sounds like a Mexican version of The Police. A complete and utter rip off. It’s astounding. It’s amazing. I’m in awe! Ooooh, now some Mexican reggae. Shall we have some chips and salsa in Jamaica? Stink---ooops, I mean Sting---can now sing “they’re playing our song!”

Nice production values, inoffensive....but hey, when you’ve got those hot looking shows on Telemundo, how could you come up with a band like this?

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Lilith Fair! Shave my head an’ call me Sinead!” Steve says as I put on Rebecca Pidgeon. I think he’s being unduly harsh. He hates Irish music. “The soundtrack to Lionheart,” “Two tickets to the Renaissance Fair,” he quips behind me. Well, that’s enough out of him.

Four Marys (Chesky Records / www.cheskey.com) is actually real nice. It’s traditional without being Chieftains unlistenable. I mean, you could listen to this in your car or something and not feel like I AM LISTENING TO IRISH MUSIC I AM LISTENING TO IRISH MUSIC I AM LISTENING TO IRISH MUSIC. The songs are slow and sweet, and the reels and traditional songs are nicely done too. Some are translated from Gaelic, others are songs of the Jacobite rebellion (before my time). In all fairness, some of these are Scottish songs, too.

What else can you say but that it’s a nice Irish music record by a young woman with a real nice voice. If you’re into that kind of thing, you’re psyched. If you’re not, you’re not.

I was worried when I saw that there were bagpipes on Scotland Street (www.lismor.co.uk), because I assumed that it would be another traditional record. Silly, silly me.

The Tartan Amoebas have taken a traditional instrument, the bagpipes, and have added electric guitars, a sitar, saxophones, and even conga drums. Hey, you gotta love a band with both bagpipes and a hammond organ. The result is a sort of new-agey hip hop cool jazz sounding instrumental that would go well with an evening on the back patio in the summertime, with a pitcher of sangria and your favorite friends. Let me stop that image right here by saying this definitely has more guts and glory than anything my most dreaded label, Wimpton Hill, has ever put out. Little do they know, but things can be both easy to listen to AND original and creative.

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